Marc Jacobs Spring 2014 Ready To Wear

This collection mixes opulent Victorian styles covered in trims with men's swim trunks against a post-apocalyptic beach setting worthy of Planet of the Apes. Now, a lot of these outfits look good, if a bit heavy...

 ...but the ones involving the swim trunks are all sorts of wrong.

 They have an unbalanced top to bottom ratio with all the weight on the top. I admit to already having a pet peeve about this sort of thing. I find it irritating to see people wearing bulky sweaters with short skirts or shorts. If that is what makes you comfortable I'm all for it, but I have yet to meet someone wearing one of these ensembles who is not complaining about how cold she is. In addition to my issues with the lack of practicality here, I take issue from an aesthetic perspective. Clothing should have a certain balance, not necessarily a symmetrical balance, but a balance that is pleasing to the eye. It is this balance that I feel these Victorian shirt with swim trunks outfits lack. These ideas could have been melded better. Heck, I could do it better! This is the point that I have come to after reviewing this many shows. What is the point of designers exactly when these ideas can be fleshed out by an amateur at a fraction of the cost and more likely to be worn by a normal person? I will explore this more deeply in future posts, but keep this in mind, because I will be recreating some of these looks myself, either exactly or altered to make more sense, with my sewing machine and some thrift store savvy.  

Giorgio Armani Spring 2014 Ready To Wear

This collection has lots of flow. It is all-over flow, soft both in the types of fabric and the patterns chosen to decorate said fabrics. 

Some of the dresses seem to be merely breathtaking swirls of fabric such as this example. 

My only complaint is the shoes. OH MY GOD THE SHOES! 

They are a bootie flip-flop hybrid and they should have never been allowed to exist. Flip flops are for when it is so hot that you want to wear as little as possible to let air circulate around your feet. Boots are for when it is cool enoguh that you want to keep everything up to your ankes well covered and warm and also to make up for the coolness of some skirts if it's too cold to just wear sandles or heels. There is no way these two weather conditions can exist simultaneously. Therefore there is no practical reason for these shoes to exist. Also they look ridiculous. These shoes have been a trend all summer and they have bothered me since the first time I saw someone walk by wearing them. They are as pointless and stupid looking as the high-heeled sneakers that were so popular a few years ago. Let's hope they disappear as quickly and thoroughly as they came.

Donna Karan Spring 2014 Ready To Wear

From what I have seen of both Donna Karan labels over the course of my experience with fashion,  I would say that this designer has two modes shown each excusively in its own label. DKNY is the super urban flashy label and Donna Karan is the super art commune comfy label. From pictures I have seen of Donna Karan herself, I think she prefers the latter. It certainly has its charms. The collection is flowing and diaphanous, evoking images of hippie chicks, pre-raphaelite artists, and princesses of the Australian Outback in relatively equal measure. I don't know how well I could wear it, but I definitely like it.

Marc By Marc Jacobs Spring 2014 Ready To Wear

I think I'm going to call this collection,  "Upscaled High School," because that is what most of these pieces look like. The dresses look like cheerleader uniforms. 

The suits look like satinized prep school uniforms.

 The tank tops look like they were made from men's pajama tops. 

On second thought, mabe I shouldn't call it, "Upscaled High School," maybe I should call it,  "Vamped Prep School, " as in, "Only Anne Rice's vampires would dress like this." But my biggest, "Why?!?" for this collection was the way the models' hair was held to their necks with scarves or fabric headbands (see above). Why would anyone do this? It just looks ridiculous.

DKNY Spring 2014 Ready To Wear

DKNY has always exemplified New York, or at least the way I see New York:  loud, proud, and graphic. Lots of graphics, actually, which is why I draw such parallels between the city and the label. The clothes tend to remind me of Times Square. In this collection, DKNY showed a big variety. I felt ambivalent to pleased about most of the outfits, some I really liked, and some things I really hated. My favorite piece was a pair of patched jeans that resembled a vintage suitcase. 

The piece that gave me the biggest feeling of "Why is this here?" was the racer back swimsuits worn backwards under a variety of sheer and not sheer layers.

Max Mara Spring 2014 Ready To Wear

As much as I rage against fashion's tendency toward the impractical, you can go too far the other way. A runway show is about spectacle, and this is just about the least spectacular, most boring collection I have ever seen. The first third of the show was all off-white before they showed any color. It's as though they were sending out the muslins, that's the outfits made of muslin that a designer starts out with and experiments on before cutting into the good material,  and then realized, "Oh yeah, this is a runway show. Guess we ought to send out the real clothes now." You could find most of these clothes at the Ann Taylor Loft store in the mall, and I wouldn't buy them there either. To me, this collection seems pointless except to people who care more about the label or price tag than they do about the clothes themselves.

Betsy Johnson Spring 2014 Ready To Wear

I remember the Betsy Johnson brand from when I was working at Macy's. They had a 50's Barbie doll feel about them, so I was never really a fan and I have mixed feelings about their spring collection. It's super girly-floral-punk pairing fluffy organza, floral and leopard prints, fingerless gloves, and everywhere pink pink PINK! I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable wearing any of it, but I can't help feeling good about this collection, possibly because of the enthusiasm of the models. I have never before seen runway models having so much fun. How can you not enjoy a collection when it's presented like this?